It was more than few years ago I was scratching out a living pushing a mop at MIT. You know, running around with my buddies, chasing skirts, drinking beer and hassling Barneys.
So, it was out of sheer boredom that I completed that “unsolvable” theorem written on a hallway chalkboard. After all, I was always good at arithmetic, what you less geniusey-types refer to as “math.” (Between you and I, I thought I was doing a Soduku.) Who knew?
Anyway, my therapist, Sean, who was total doppelgänger for Robin Williams, wanted one thing for me. Professor Lambeau wanted another. He repeatedly told me to call him Gerry and would call me, drunk, and invite me to his place to show me his “Fields Medal.” He’d say over and over, “It’s really big and impressive.” Whatever.
I decided to follow Sean’s advice. I left behind several lucrative job offers to follow this girl, Skylar, to Stanford University. I’d only gone out with her, like, three times. She had freckles, I think and she thought she could play in the NBA. Bitch, please!?!?
I hopped in my beater, that my boys bought me for my 21st birthday, and headed west. Unfortunately, the POS broke down outside of Goshen, Indiana. I just stayed there. I eventually got a gig doing nights on Goshen College radio. (Go Leafs!!!)
I eventually did make it out west, albeit not to California, but to Las Vegas where I now co-host the Chet Buchanan & the Morning Zoo radio program. In addition, I write and produce comedy that airs nationally through Delicious Audio.
So you know, I haven’t completely gotten out of the math game. I’ve been known to balance an occasional check book and during tax time I do a little part-time work at Walmart in the Jackson-Hewitt kiosk.
Today, when people ask me, “How do I like them apples?” I respond, “In a pie with a golden brown flaky crust and maybe a dollop of Cool Whip.”
Doing it in public is not advised and, at the least, here in Vegas is illegal. Oh yeah, and it’s a felony. That fact was quickly learned by Phillip Frank Panzica III and Chloe Scordinas […]
This year’s Oscar gifts bag are worth $200,000. And, as usual, they only go to the nominees in the major acting and directing categories. Here’s some of what’s inside: A $55,000 trip to Israel. A […]
The oddsmakers here in Vegas all have the Carolina Panthers as the expected winner of Super Bowl 50. The experts…they don’t know jack. Spence, however, does.
I really shouldn’t have to say this…but just so we’re all clear, getting a totally sweet selfie is not worth dying over.
I, for one, have fallen in love with Democratic presidential candidate, Bernie Sanders. No, not his politics necessarily. I have fallen in love with Bernie’s voice. He sounds like that old guy that yelled at […]
There have been plenty of years when the wrong movie won the Best Picture Oscar. “Business Insider” did a list of the 10 worst movies to win Best Picture, and the movies that should have won instead.
Every article about pickup lines always says the best pickup line is to just say ‘Hi.’ And to that I say…shut up and let us have fun.
For years, Las Vegas has courted every major professional league in hopes of having one of its franchises be the first to dip its toe in Sin City. Could it be the Oakland Raiders?
Led by Pat McCaw’s 25 points, the UNLV Runnin’ Rebels overcame an eight-point halftime deficit to defeat the Boise State Broncos 87-77 at the T&M.
We have yet to run this by Gary Spivey, but according to a self-proclaimed psychic “expert,” here are four signs that you might have psychic abilities.