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It was more than few years ago I was scratching out a living pushing a mop at MIT. You know, running around with my buddies, chasing skirts, drinking beer and hassling Barneys.

So, it was out of sheer boredom that I completed that “unsolvable” theorem written on a hallway chalkboard. After all, I was always good at arithmetic, what you less geniusey-types refer to as “math.” (Between you and I, I thought I was doing a Soduku.) Who knew?

Anyway, my therapist, Sean, who was total doppelgänger for Robin Williams, wanted one thing for me. Professor Lambeau wanted another. He repeatedly told me to call him Gerry and would call me, drunk, and invite me to his place to show me his “Fields Medal.” He’d say over and over, “It’s really big and impressive.” Whatever.

I decided to follow Sean’s advice. I left behind several lucrative job offers to follow this girl, Skylar, to Stanford University. I’d only gone out with her, like, three times. She had freckles, I think and she thought she could play in the NBA. Bitch, please!?!?

I hopped in my beater, that my boys bought me for my 21st birthday, and headed west. Unfortunately, the POS broke down outside of Goshen, Indiana. I just stayed there. I eventually got a gig doing nights on Goshen College radio. (Go Leafs!!!)

I eventually did make it out west, albeit not to California, but to Las Vegas where I now co-host the Chet Buchanan & the Morning Zoo radio program. In addition, I write and produce comedy that airs nationally through Delicious Audio.

So you know, I haven’t completely gotten out of the math game. I’ve been known to balance an occasional check book and during tax time I do a little part-time work at Walmart in the Jackson-Hewitt kiosk.

Today, when people ask me, “How do I like them apples?” I respond, “In a pie with a golden brown flaky crust and maybe a dollop of Cool Whip.”

– Spence

Robert Mora/Getty Images

We Are the Worst

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98.5 KLUC–06/15/2016

Bruce Bennett/Getty Images

Report: The NHL’s Coming to Vegas

The expected has happened, at least, according to the Associated Press. The news organization is claiming that a source inside the National Hockey League has confirmed that Las Vegas will receive an NHL franchise.

98.5 KLUC–06/14/2016

Spence/98.5 KLUC

Spence’s Song of the Week

In honor of Kayla’s southern roots, Spence sings “UncleBrother” as his “Song of the Week.”

98.5 KLUC–06/10/2016

Spence/98.5 KLUC

Spence’s Song of the Week

Each Friday at 8:05, we debut a new, original “Song of the Week.” A couple of weeks ago, actress, comedian and talk show host Sherri Shepherd was in studio & inspired “I love you, Sherri Shepherd.”

98.5 KLUC–06/06/2016

Nicolas Maeterlinck/AFP/Getty Images

Uber is Preventing DUIs and Fatal Car Crashes

Remember this the next time you’re whining about a price surge on Uber.

98.5 KLUC–06/02/2016

Spence/98.5 KLUC

Spence’s Song of the Week

Each Friday at 8:05, we debut a new, original “Song of the Week.” Will this be Spence’s final Song of the Week? Before you go crazy, yes, the song is called “Swallow It All,” but, […]

98.5 KLUC–05/31/2016

Yoshikazu Tsuno/AFP/Getty Images

The Most Popular Amusement Parks in the World

This isn’t really shocking, but Disney’s amusement parks are, like, really popular.

98.5 KLUC–05/31/2016

Scott Eisen/Getty Images

Parody: Trump Stamp

If you back Donald Trump then you should “back” Donald Trump. Now, just for Trump supporters, the official Donald Trump tramp stamp.

98.5 KLUC–05/25/2016

Spence/98.5 KLUC

Spence’s Song of the Week

Each Friday at 8:05, we debut a new, original “Song of the Week.” This week, with the help of actress/comedienne Sherri Shepherd, Spence did a tribute to dudes who try to romance via the emoji

98.5 KLUC–05/23/2016

98.5 KLUC/Spence

Spence’s Song of the Week

Each Friday at 8:05, we debut a new, original “Song of the Week.” This week, Spence sang of the virtues of the Walmart Shopping Cart Wrangler. Check it out, fool.

98.5 KLUC–05/16/2016


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