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It was more than few years ago I was scratching out a living pushing a mop at MIT. You know, running around with my buddies, chasing skirts, drinking beer and hassling Barneys.

So, it was out of sheer boredom that I completed that “unsolvable” theorem written on a hallway chalkboard. After all, I was always good at arithmetic, what you less geniusey-types refer to as “math.” (Between you and I, I thought I was doing a Soduku.) Who knew?

Anyway, my therapist, Sean, who was total doppelgänger for Robin Williams, wanted one thing for me. Professor Lambeau wanted another. He repeatedly told me to call him Gerry and would call me, drunk, and invite me to his place to show me his “Fields Medal.” He’d say over and over, “It’s really big and impressive.” Whatever.

I decided to follow Sean’s advice. I left behind several lucrative job offers to follow this girl, Skylar, to Stanford University. I’d only gone out with her, like, three times. She had freckles, I think and she thought she could play in the NBA. Bitch, please!?!?

I hopped in my beater, that my boys bought me for my 21st birthday, and headed west. Unfortunately, the POS broke down outside of Goshen, Indiana. I just stayed there. I eventually got a gig doing nights on Goshen College radio. (Go Leafs!!!)

I eventually did make it out west, albeit not to California, but to Las Vegas where I now co-host the Chet Buchanan & the Morning Zoo radio program. In addition, I write and produce comedy that airs nationally through Delicious Audio.

So you know, I haven’t completely gotten out of the math game. I’ve been known to balance an occasional check book and during tax time I do a little part-time work at Walmart in the Jackson-Hewitt kiosk.

Today, when people ask me, “How do I like them apples?” I respond, “In a pie with a golden brown flaky crust and maybe a dollop of Cool Whip.”

- Spence

(Joseph Eid/AFP/Getty Images)

Easter + 4/20 = Comedy

Every few years April 20th ends up on Easter Sunday. Yes, 4/20, the special code for marijuana. Let the jokes ensue. For example: Hear “Peter Cottontail” Over the years, I’ve done a few bits on [...]

98.5 KLUC–04/18/2014

(Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

Peter Cottonmouth

It is rumored that the term 4/20, came from students of San Rafael High School. Back in the 70′s they would meet in front of a statue of Louis Pasteur at 4:20 in the afternoon [...]

98.5 KLUC–04/18/2014

(Spence/98.5 KLUC)

Marlon Wayans on the Zoo

Interesting fact about Marlon Wayan’s first A Haunted House movie. It made over $60 million when you combine domestic and foreign box offices. It cost under $2 million to make. What’s he going to do [...]

98.5 KLUC–04/17/2014

(Christian Petersen/Getty Images)

The Inspiration Behind “Royals”

Last year, KLUC artist Lorde told VH1 that her hit song, “Royals” was inspired by a photo that she saw in a magazine. The photo, taken in 1976, was of future baseball hall of famer [...]

98.5 KLUC–04/16/2014

(Christopher Furlong/Getty Images)

Stay Away from the Train Tracks, Idiot

What is magic power train tracks have over teenagers? Come on, y’all! Stay away from the train tracks. Jared Michael, as he goes by on youtube, thought he was a safe distance away from an [...]

98.5 KLUC–04/16/2014

(Kevin Djansezian/Getty Images)

Parody: New US Airways Commercial

The Twitterverse went bananas yesterday, when someone posted a very inappropriate pic on US Airways official Twitter account. CBS Radio prohibits us from posting pornography on the site, so I’m sad to say we can’t [...]

98.5 KLUC–04/15/2014

(Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images)

Tweets From Last Night’s Game of Thrones

Spoiler Alert!…Spoiler Alert!…Spoiler Alert! I only write that because this post falls within the “24 Hour Rule.” The rule, that most don’t abide, states that you must not reveal major plot points of a TV [...]

98.5 KLUC–04/14/2014

(Orlando Sierra/AFP/Getty Images)

Spence Is Ronery

My wife left me. It’s true. Now, it’s not altogether a bad thing. She accepted a job that may offer some tremendous opportunities. But, when you wife is 2,675 miles away. It can get a [...]

98.5 KLUC–04/14/2014

(Larry Busacca/Getty Images for Pepsi)

I Witness News – Fake Drake

Whether or not you believe Drake started from the bottom or not is irrelevant. He is here. Yup. The announcement that he would host the ESPY’s, ESPN’s annual sports-themed awards show, was met with skepticism [...]

98.5 KLUC–04/11/2014

Cricket Logos

With Cricket, Half Is More

When you’re paying less for your wireless bill, you can do more of the things you love in your life. That’s why we want to see what people would do more of if they switched [...]

98.5 KLUC–04/11/2014