It was more than few years ago I was scratching out a living pushing a mop at MIT. You know, running around with my buddies, chasing skirts, drinking beer and hassling Barneys.
So, it was out of sheer boredom that I completed that “unsolvable” theorem written on a hallway chalkboard. After all, I was always good at arithmetic, what you less geniusey-types refer to as “math.” (Between you and I, I thought I was doing a Soduku.) Who knew?
Anyway, my therapist, Sean, who was total doppelgänger for Robin Williams, wanted one thing for me. Professor Lambeau wanted another. He repeatedly told me to call him Gerry and would call me, drunk, and invite me to his place to show me his “Fields Medal.” He’d say over and over, “It’s really big and impressive.” Whatever.
I decided to follow Sean’s advice. I left behind several lucrative job offers to follow this girl, Skylar, to Stanford University. I’d only gone out with her, like, three times. She had freckles, I think and she thought she could play in the NBA. Bitch, please!?!?
I hopped in my beater, that my boys bought me for my 21st birthday, and headed west. Unfortunately, the POS broke down outside of Goshen, Indiana. I just stayed there. I eventually got a gig doing nights on Goshen College radio. (Go Leafs!!!)
I eventually did make it out west, albeit not to California, but to Las Vegas where I now co-host the Chet Buchanan & the Morning Zoo radio program. In addition, I write and produce comedy that airs nationally through Delicious Audio.
So you know, I haven’t completely gotten out of the math game. I’ve been known to balance an occasional check book and during tax time I do a little part-time work at Walmart in the Jackson-Hewitt kiosk.
Today, when people ask me, “How do I like them apples?” I respond, “In a pie with a golden brown flaky crust and maybe a dollop of Cool Whip.”
Five questions, thirty seconds… what do you say if you don’t know the answer? “Jim-Bob-Cooter!” but are you going to “cooter” today? “Not-Today!” Tie Spence, win the $775 in the Terrible Herbst Spence’s Challenge Jackpot! Beat Spence, and we’ll throw in an extra $1,000! Practice, Play, Win!
Spence is back and so is Spence’s Challenge! It’s a five question pop-culture trivia game where you can win the $748 in the Terrible Herbst Spence’s Challenge Jackpot if you just tie Spence… and we’ll throw in an extra $1000 if you can beat him! Spence won his 27th win in a row today, will you win next?
The Terrible Herbst Spence’s Challenge Jackpot keeps getting higher and higher as Spence won his 24th game in a row today! Will you be the P1 to end the hot streak? You’ll win $698 if you can tie Spence and we’ll throw in an extra $1000 if you can beat him!
Yes, Nevada is number one in the country in gambling. Duh. You know what? We’re also #1 in something else.
Let’s just say you don’t like your mom. Perhaps you’re not a fan of the cerveza. You may think there’s nothing for you to celebrate during the month of May but Spence has found a myriad of opportunities to party.
Why is everything unhealthy? If it’s not sugary cereals and energy drinks it’s heroin. Know what I’m sayin’? See the video for Spence’s parody of Linkin Park’s “Heavy,” titled “Unhealthy.”
$1,573 can all be yours, but only if you can beat Spence in Spence’s Challenge… What’s that? A five question pop culture trivia game with a 30 second timer, tie Spence and win the $573 in the Terrible Herbst Spence’s Challenge Jackpot. Beat Spence, and we’ll throw in an extra $1,000!
P1 and former Spence’s Challenger challenger Angel Buttel returns to Spence’s Challenge to play again! Although Spence beat her the last time they played, she was determined to win today! Unfortunately, determination wasn’t enough… Angel lost… Nevertheless, if she had tied Spence she would’ve won $555, but we would’ve given her an extra $1,000 if she beat Spence! Practice, Play, Win!
We’re number one! Finally, one for the good guys. Nevada is number one for something other than unemployment and foreclosures. Okay…yes, we’re #1 for gambling…and we knew that…but so what. We’re number one! We’re number one!
The Terrible Herbst Spence’s Challenged Jackpot has now risen to a grand total of $523 with Spence’s 18th win in a row today! You can win all of that money and an additional $1,000 if you beat Spence in Spence’s Challenge… It’s a five question pop culture Trivia Game! Practice, Play, Win!