It was more than few years ago I was scratching out a living pushing a mop at MIT. You know, running around with my buddies, chasing skirts, drinking beer and hassling Barneys.
So, it was out of sheer boredom that I completed that “unsolvable” theorem written on a hallway chalkboard. After all, I was always good at arithmetic, what you less geniusey-types refer to as “math.” (Between you and I, I thought I was doing a Soduku.) Who knew?
Anyway, my therapist, Sean, who was total doppelgänger for Robin Williams, wanted one thing for me. Professor Lambeau wanted another. He repeatedly told me to call him Gerry and would call me, drunk, and invite me to his place to show me his “Fields Medal.” He’d say over and over, “It’s really big and impressive.” Whatever.
I decided to follow Sean’s advice. I left behind several lucrative job offers to follow this girl, Skylar, to Stanford University. I’d only gone out with her, like, three times. She had freckles, I think and she thought she could play in the NBA. Bitch, please!?!?
I hopped in my beater, that my boys bought me for my 21st birthday, and headed west. Unfortunately, the POS broke down outside of Goshen, Indiana. I just stayed there. I eventually got a gig doing nights on Goshen College radio. (Go Leafs!!!)
I eventually did make it out west, albeit not to California, but to Las Vegas where I now co-host the Chet Buchanan & the Morning Zoo radio program. In addition, I write and produce comedy that airs nationally through Delicious Audio.
So you know, I haven’t completely gotten out of the math game. I’ve been known to balance an occasional check book and during tax time I do a little part-time work at Walmart in the Jackson-Hewitt kiosk.
Today, when people ask me, “How do I like them apples?” I respond, “In a pie with a golden brown flaky crust and maybe a dollop of Cool Whip.”
Are you uber-proud of that dad bod? Sure, you’ve let yourself go but now you can use that to your advantage to win prizes by entering the 7th Annual Mr. Dad Bod 2017.
Sometimes ya got it. Sometimes ya don’t. Most times Spence don’t got it as exhibited by this week’s “Song of the Week,” “I Got Nothin’.”
Everyone wants to talk to former FBI Director James Comey. Did Anderson Cooper get the exclusive. No. Sean Hanity? Nope. It was your guy, Spence. For real.
It’s Friday and if your plan for the weekend is to get on Tinder and swipe up a storm, here are four suggestions that should get you better matches.
Spence received a perfect FIVE for FIVE score on Spence’s Challenge today! Making a new grand total of $1248.00 in the Terrible Herbst Spence’s Challenge Jackpot that you can win if you tie Spence & there’s a $1,000 bonus if you can beat him! Practice, Play, Win!
Spence won his 45th game in a row! Adding another $25 in the Terrible Herbst Spence’s Challenge Jackpot for a new grand total of $1223.00! You can win all of that money if you tie Spence in Spence’s Challenge AND we’ll throw in an extra $1,000 if you can beat him!
As you may know, afternoon superstar John Moug and P1 Stacy are Facebook official. Before that happened, the two confirmed their exclusivity in the most adorable way possible.
In 2017, you are not technically a couple until it becomes “Facebook Official.” As of Sunday, June 5th, afternoon superstar & John Moug and P1 Stacy are just that.
Intern Sammich is a twin. His sister, Michelle, is a Rebel Girl. Spence takes great pleasure in taunting Sammich about his twin sister. That came to head Friday morning with Spence’s Song of the Week.
Five questions, thirty seconds, $1148.00 in the Terrible Herbst Spence’s Challenge Jackpot… You can win all of that money if you tie Spence, and well throw in an extra $1,000 if you can beat him! Practice, Play, Win!